You Got You

I think I'm falling in love. I've never even said her name here and this was intentional, to keep a distance. She's just been College Chick, aka The Girl I Bag.

I should've known I was gettin too serious when I referred to her as My Lady in my last post. Hereafter you'll know her as CeeCee, the two C's for college chick.

This weekend was sweet. We chilled down at U Street last night. At one point she reached for my hand. I couldn't resist. I let her hold it as we walked through the crowd like two sappy lovers.

At one point she stopped, turned to me, and said I love you, Machete. You know that.

I got nothing to offer you.

You got you.

It wasn't even about sex. I let her sweet words run circles around my mind, and like a spider, she spun her weave around my heart. If one day she devours it, I wonder if I'll be like the male spider who welcomes his death, who died in suicide for love.

And that's the word on Savage Streetz today.

I Missed The Boat With The Vote. WTF Is Wrong Wit Me?

Don't hate, but maybe its cuz he reminds me of the father I dreamed to have but never had that I didn't vote. I don't why, my mind is a puzzle and I never been good at those either.

It ain't like I wasn't registered. I even lied to my fam that I was going.

Why you all thugged out? my mama asked. You gonna scare off the other voters.

She looked all happy and proud I gonna do this. I really sorta meant to when I left the house, but my feet walked in the other direction and my mind lied to me that I'd do it later.

Just like my daddy, later hardly ever comes for me. Instead I caught to bus and ended up chilling with other niggaz like me who couldn't take out an hour or two to rock Barack's vote.

Sorry bro, but I'm glad you won anyway.

I'm probably makin excuses, but maybe I didn't vote cuz my friend's brother got shot in the head before election, and he wasn't even in the game. I'd say more about how it went down but that might not be a good idea.

This kid went to high school with my sis so she knew him too. The funeral was sad and I'm still mad about the whole thing. That kid ain't done shit to no one. Like BG's song Flatliners goes, the mahfucka who did it gonna be brain dead if his brother finds out who he is. If anyone ever killed anyone in my fam the feds would have to lock me up to keep the murderer safe.

Or maybe my trifling azz didn't vote cuz my homeboyz G and Tony both locked up on some non-violent trifling charges but Obama can't help them. I'm kinda glad G is locked up, or I'd be riding wit him right now.

Or maybe cuz all I wanted to do waz smoke. I used to lace it with the ready rock and I been fiending since my nigga's bro life was taken away. I keep playing that song in my head This Too Shall Pass by India Arie so I won't relapse.

Or maybe it's cuz my mama is worried to death about paying rent next month. She's too proud to apply for welfare and right now has only work a part time job. It sucks. We eat a lot of rice and noodles. I still ain't found legit work. Must be the tats and no diploma.

Shiiit. I might have to fake I'm working and do serious dealing, cuz I damn sure ain't gonna see my moms and lil sis end up in no fuckin shelter.

And oh man, she got radar for lies, especially mine. When I got home, she demanded to see some god damned sticker to prove I voted.

I talked too much.

I said, They were passing out a bunch of stuff and I didn't want any of it.

You lying, she said. You don't even know what I'm talkin bout.

Yeah I do.

They weren't passing out shit. I was there. You only get the special sticker AFTER you vote.

That's when I fucked up. I said, I lost mine, but I voted over in Kenny's hood.

I should've just said whatevah.

She said, That ain't possible. It ain't allowed. Why didn't you vote?

When will I learn that covering up a lie with a lie only works half the time?

I said, I just came from there but they closed early.

She started crying, saying I miss every boat that comes along. I should have left the house, but got mad and started yelling at her. It ended when she hit me across my mouth with a flashlight to shut me up.

If she wasn't my mother I swear I would have knocked her little azz out. She didn't say she was sorry when she saw she split the inside of my lip and all that blood, and she still ain't apologized.

You a traitor to your race, she yelled.

Just cuz I didn't vote? You crazy!

She was going off. She said, Fuck you. You selfish. You a traitor to yourself, your family, and your people. Get a job, nigga, go back to your GED class and stay the fuck away from me until you do.

I don't know what it is about Barack Obama, but niggaz and half the country done gone crazy. My mother ain't violent. Never used the belt on me growing up. I know she and the older folks went through hell from the crackers, but damn, she just threw my black azz in the dog house, swearing to God that if McCain and that bimbo from Alaska won the whole country would be fucked.

The college chick I bag is the same way. I can kiss that pussy goodbye forever if I told her I didn't vote. I know, cuz I asked her like it was a joke. She ain't got the lie radar yet - guess it comes with age for the ladies.

Funny thing is, half my homeboyz didn't vote either. They all said they did, but them niggaz lying, cuz they didn't know about the sticker either.

Stupid azz sticker. Me and my sister used to fight over the sticker on the banana. Don't ask me why. Niggyboo was three or four and I was ten or eleven and she'd set my azz up every time. She'd cry and lie that I hit her and I'd get sent to my room. Here I am, 21 goddamn years old and still getting trouble over stickers.



I like that photo way above of Barack. It's art, and not in focus - like my father, and the way I feel - disappointed in my dad and myself. Maybe I don't wanna go thru it wit Obama. I'll try to rock his vote in 2012 if I ain't locked up or dead.

Nah, I can't let myself think like that. I'll be okay. Maybe before 2012 they'll be drafting niggaz like me even if we ain't got diplomas. I'd enlist now but the bitches don't want us. Whatevah. I'll be more than okay tonight, chillin wit my lady. She's gotta brain and makes me wanna do better.

And that's the word on Savage Streetz today.

You On Probation

Man, I swear, I gotta learn how to just say no. My boy G called the other day saying he wanted me take this fine dime off his hands.

She'll do anything you want, he said.

So why you trying to get rid of her, I asked.

Got my hands full right now, he said.

This didn't add up. G been slinging caine and dying to be a pimp, so if this girl is down for anything, why he want to pass her on to me? I was running drugs with him and other shit over the summer but this nigga can get a nigga locked up. He thinks it's all good cuz last time I was in a jam he bailed me out and picked me up after I had spent the week in county jail for some bullshit that later got dismissed.

So I grabbed my boy Tony and we met up with this chick. I like me some pretty sistahs and don't mind if they pleasingly plump, but this girl was a last call for alcohol. Sloppy fat, fucked up hair and had a face that only her mother could love.

Oh shit, it was so trashy too. We met her on the parking lot of the mall where she works. She had just gotten paid $150. We scored some weed, got some beer, and I said where can we go do this?

Girl took us to an abandoned van cuz she homeless recently cuz her fam kicked her out.

So we smoking and drinking and she says whose gonna go first?

I was high as shit and looked at Tony, trying not to laugh. I wouldn't fuck her with his dick.

I ain't got no condom, I said trying to be polite.

It don't matter, she said.

Oh hell naw she didn't say that.

Tony was scheming. He said, Lets finish off this blunt and bottle and I'll go buy some. Gimme some money.

At this point I was plotting how I was gonna put a bullet in G's head when I see him again.

But it was all good, at least for Tony. Skanky girl can't hold her liquor and passed out. Tony robbed her and we left.

That was some trifling shit, I told him. You didn't have to take ALL her damn money.

He laughed. I laughed too. It's a cold world.

G called me the next day asking me how'd it go.

Fuck you nigga, I said.

It wazn't that bad was it?

I said, Nigga if that's the best you can do trying to be a pimp, you may as well go work at Mickey Dee's.

I was doin you a favor.

Bullshit, I said. I don't wanna be a pimp and if I did, not with no butt-ugly girl. She pitiful. You on probation with me, homie.

And that's the word on the Savage Streetz today.

What Passes For Luck

My boy Tony lives in my car. I bought it off a white lady who had a For Sale sign on it last year for $500, but the bitch broke down less than week later so I never registered it. Since I can't afford to fix it, I don't mind my homeboy living in it. He's been homeless for the past two years, living here and there, and when 'there' don't work for him, I can find him in my back seat if it's early enough in the morning.

The thing about him is he won't go but so hard. No breakins or strong arm robberies, none of that shit. Back when I was thuggin, he was just selling dime bags to get by. I was never good at dealin cuz I'll smoke or snort up the product and end up short or on the run, or once, with a gun to my head. Rehab got me off coke but I doubt I'll ever give up weed. So Tony and I got the perfect relationship. I smoke cheap and he has a roof over his head, well, a car roof anyway. This makes us both lucky.

I used to didn't mind this, but as I get older, it bothers me. He's 19 and wants to finish night school to graduate but he always looks hungry and tired. He could move in a shelter but they got too many rules. I can see life wearing him down but I can't help help him cuz I live at home and we don't have enough food to feed him too or space and I don't want him looking at my lil sis and so on. I'm lucky to have what I have cuz I could be living in a 7x 10 cell for all the shit I've done and still do when I'm broke and can't find work.

I'm still fuming over this Wall Street shit. Those rich fat fucks fucked up everything and they still lucky. They can rip off everyone for millions and billions and never get racial profiled, tasered, busted, or go to jail, yet half the people I know have been locked up for minor shit. Them Wall Street playas should have the kind of worries and luck that my homies and I have cuz they no different from us.

Makes Me Wanna Bust Something

This college chick I'm seeing was hot until she put her glasses on last night. It's like she turned into a school teacher and forced me watch the debates before she'd give up the punani. What the fuck did she or anyone else think they'd say? Both McCain and Obama say they against too much spending but they lying or they wouldn't be saying yas'sir to Wall Street pimping us for $700 billion bucks. I know pimping when I see it, and that's what they all are with Bush as the mastah pimp.

At least Barack read the three pages before showing up to the meeting with the Treasury Sec and Prez and had changes in mind; McCain hadn't even done that and was going along their Welfare to Wall Street plan. The whole thing is crazy cuz Uncle Sam is broker than a mahfucka.

McPain-In-Da-Brain tipped his hand. He made it real clear that he'll freeze all spending except for war. My man Barack got a real intellect and heart and wants to help us all, but he was too nice to his enemy last night. Bad move, cuz a lotta folks mistake your kindness for weakness. He shoulda told that arrogant cracker who refused to even look at him,
no mothafucka, you don't understand.

Shit irritated me so much I had to light a jay, then another after this girl wanted to talk about it. Sheeit. Talkin bout racism and the rich robbing the poor and now the middle class makes a nigga wanna bust a cap in someone. I moved the talkin to the bedroom and kept saying yo baby you so right and eventually got to bust somethin. That works for gettin laid but I ain't sure it'll work for Barack gettin elected.

Trying To Find My Way

I call this post Trying To Find My Way cuz that's what I'm trying to do. I been readin other peeps blogs and maybe having my own will help and entertain some of you.

As a youngun I couldn't stand sittin up in boring classroom or the damn house. Got into all kinds of trouble and became a street savage. Pissed off my fam real bad but they still care and now I'm tryin to bite the bullet and get my GED. It will be a long time before I finish this big assed GED book and all the classes I need to graduate. This damn book is as thick as Yellow Pages. It's torture.

I thought about joining the service but I'd flunk the pee test and as my mom said, this ain't the right war to fight. I agree. They just killing brown people for oil. Cannabis shoulda been legalized years ago like in some other countries cuz it don't cause half the problems alcohol does.

I also write a lot of raps. Love music. Since Obama came along I like reading politics or like a lot of peeps call it, politricks. I'll be writing a little about that too. Thug niggaz got opinions too, ya know? House niggaz forget that shit or that Malcolm X. was one at one time.

I force myself to come here to the library a few times a week or I don't think I could study. I still ain't studying right now I'm blogging and got my mind on tonight. Hit ya later.

Yo, 'sup

Yo, my first post. Welcome to my blog. I'm working on the design right now. Not too hard, just can't let my mind wander off this HTML. Hit ya later.